Day 20: Restoring Broken Fellowship
Reflecting on this chapter, I feel like I just read a self-help book on conflict resolution. The concepts here are not foreign to me, but the use of supporting statements from the Bible is new.
Paraphrasing what Rick is asking each person to do, here's what I got out of the chapter:
The broader message I took from Rick in this chapter is that we should not let disagreements destroy the bonds we've established with one another.
But, I'm curious how the message applies to conflict between people or groups of people who do not know or have relationships with one another. What about inter-faith conflicts? I'm actually reminded of a book I heard about a while ago: The Faith Club.
Yes. Or at least in general, I think this is true. I'm thinking of relationships that third parties may classify as destructive or negative relationships. For example: If the other party was a person with whom one used to do drugs with, is that relationship worth restoring after one drops the habit?
Thinking about this more, if that person was once a friend, the relationship probably is worth restoring, for the betterment of the friend and for society at large. As was previously mentioned in an earlier chapter, friends who stray from the right path should not be forsaken.
So, I reaffirm my original answer: Yes, relationships are always worth restoring. Not because those relationships will bring us personal benefit, but because restoring the relationships is the right thing to do.
What is the definition of a "broken" relationship? I have many relationships now cold that were once warm, but I can only think of one relationship that I would personally categorize as broken.
As a co-op, I had a boss who thought that I had gone over his head to request a reassignment to a different supervisor. Even though I recall believing sincerely that he was mistaken, this problem was the last straw in a series of events (rooted in problems of my own doing) that broke our relationship. For the remainder of my work at the company, the best way to describe the situation was that my ex-boss merely acknowledged that I worked in the same building as him.
I remember thinking about the experience over and over again after my co-op ended, even after I graduated and landed my first full-time job. Since that co-op, I've twice written and mailed one-page letters to my ex-boss, trying to explain the what I felt was a misunderstanding and asking for a response to validate my sentiments and to get closure on the issue. I've never received a response.
I try to think of myself as a person who cherishes on the good things in life, rather than dwelling on the bad and the ugly, but the good relationship gone south with my ex-boss is one that I wish I could repair... or at least try to repair.
Even as I was writing this blog post, I was trying to create excuses for myself to say how this relationship can never be repaired. But excuses are just that: excuses. I'm going to venture outside of my comfort zone and tap some other cold connections to try to engage in a conversation with Jim to settle this old matter, even if he doesn't remember it or me anymore.
Paraphrasing what Rick is asking each person to do, here's what I got out of the chapter:
- Think through the problem on your own first, before approaching the other party.
- Be the "bigger" person. Instead of waiting for the other party to apologize or initiate reconciliation, you be the person to apologize or initiate reconciliation.
- Start by acknowledging the other party's feelings, before discussing the problem.
- Admit your own faults in the initial handling of the situation. Truly believe that you did fault at some point, because you are neither perfect nor a saint.
- Avoid belittling or insulting the other party while trying to untangle and resolve the problem.
- Look for common values with the other party, the building blocks of collaboration.
- Rebuild the relationship first before resolving the problem, recognizing that without a relationship in place the problem can never be resolved.
The broader message I took from Rick in this chapter is that we should not let disagreements destroy the bonds we've established with one another.
But, I'm curious how the message applies to conflict between people or groups of people who do not know or have relationships with one another. What about inter-faith conflicts? I'm actually reminded of a book I heard about a while ago: The Faith Club.
Point to Ponder: Relationships are always worth restoring.
Yes. Or at least in general, I think this is true. I'm thinking of relationships that third parties may classify as destructive or negative relationships. For example: If the other party was a person with whom one used to do drugs with, is that relationship worth restoring after one drops the habit?
Thinking about this more, if that person was once a friend, the relationship probably is worth restoring, for the betterment of the friend and for society at large. As was previously mentioned in an earlier chapter, friends who stray from the right path should not be forsaken.
So, I reaffirm my original answer: Yes, relationships are always worth restoring. Not because those relationships will bring us personal benefit, but because restoring the relationships is the right thing to do.
Question to Consider: Who do I need to restore a broken relationship with today?
What is the definition of a "broken" relationship? I have many relationships now cold that were once warm, but I can only think of one relationship that I would personally categorize as broken.
As a co-op, I had a boss who thought that I had gone over his head to request a reassignment to a different supervisor. Even though I recall believing sincerely that he was mistaken, this problem was the last straw in a series of events (rooted in problems of my own doing) that broke our relationship. For the remainder of my work at the company, the best way to describe the situation was that my ex-boss merely acknowledged that I worked in the same building as him.
I remember thinking about the experience over and over again after my co-op ended, even after I graduated and landed my first full-time job. Since that co-op, I've twice written and mailed one-page letters to my ex-boss, trying to explain the what I felt was a misunderstanding and asking for a response to validate my sentiments and to get closure on the issue. I've never received a response.
I try to think of myself as a person who cherishes on the good things in life, rather than dwelling on the bad and the ugly, but the good relationship gone south with my ex-boss is one that I wish I could repair... or at least try to repair.
Even as I was writing this blog post, I was trying to create excuses for myself to say how this relationship can never be repaired. But excuses are just that: excuses. I'm going to venture outside of my comfort zone and tap some other cold connections to try to engage in a conversation with Jim to settle this old matter, even if he doesn't remember it or me anymore.