Thank You for Seducing My Husband
I stumbled across a short article (of unknown origin) on Facebook yesterday titled, "謝謝你，勾引我老公". After sharing it with my wife I received a request to translate the article. So, with some minor adjustments the work below will hopefully convey the same emotions I felt when I first read the article in Chinese.
I was intently watching TV, when he suddenly said, "Let's divorce." He was dead serious, not just kidding with me. The first explanation that came to mind was: He probably risked too much on the stock market, or he developed cancer, and he's doesn't want to see me go down with him. I shook my head firmly, and a resolution to endure the ordeal with him began to develop.
His second sentence knocked me straight into hell: "I fell in love with someone else. I'm sorry."
"Since when?" I struggled to keep calm.
"It's been about half a year. I met her in my travels. She's a tour guide, very innocent, and plus she's friendly." Perhaps realizing that his compliments were going overboard, and he shut up, looking at me guiltily.
"How much do you love her?"
"100%"
I couldn't continue with my questions. Asking for more details will only hurt myself more. I might as well save some face and dignity for myself.
Remembering the days I spent with him, we were pretty happy together. But, since he already tossed the old in favor of the new, why should I fight so hard to hold on? I breathed a long, long sigh, "Then, let's just do everything according to your plans. For someone to whisk away a disaster like you from me, I'm infinitely grateful." He stared at me, shocked. He knows I'm not a woman with a heart that big.
"Actually, I'm pretty sick of looking at you too. You value me so little, so don't you expect to sit anywhere special in my heart."
He felt so guilty that he decided to leave all of our family's assets to me and our child.
Before separating, he asked me to go out for dinner together. After a few glasses of alcohol, he started having a lot more to say. He said, he hopes that he can get my blessing. He even eagerly began to talk up that girl, how she's so full of vitality. Being with her, he felt a fire was being ignited inside him. I recalled how I was once young and beautiful, vibrant, attracting him in the same way. There were only a few years between me and that girl, and yet one was labelled an "old story" and the other a "new flame".
"She's really naive. Even the smallest gesture will satisfy her. Like going shopping with her and winning a bar of soap from a raffle; taking her out for Beijing dumplings; giving her a $20 digital watch; bringing her a simple sandwich... she went crazy over every gift. With her, I'm relaxed. I can light up cigarettes until the whole room smelled like smoke. I can play mahjong through entire nights. I can go drinking with my friends......" He was so drunk in his own happiness, with eyes full of affection.
Yet I, like every boring housewife, calculated everything down to the penny. Asking him about every single expense. Even comparing wares among three stores just to buy a pair of socks. I don't allow him to smoke. I've banned his drinking. And I'm vehemently against his reckless gambling.
"Being with her, I feel my heart beats speeding up, filling me with energy to do anything and everything." The alcohol was obviously speaking for him.
I interrupted him:
"From now on, I'm no longer your boring housewife. I'm no longer your servant, working for free.
"I can save the time spent ironing your clothes and sorting your ties, using it to dress myself up;
I can save the money spent buying clothes for you, using it instead to buy myself something fashionable that I can actually wear out of the house;
I can stop stressing out about searching for every imaginable way to cook fish for you, because I don't need to take good care of your stomach. I'll cook when I want to cook. And when I don't, I can just go out for some fast food;
"I don't need to worry about you smoking your lungs to death, or drinking your liver away;
I won't wash your sheets after you puke your guts out on them;
I won't need to search high and low for you across every street, crying my eyes out, after you drink and pass out on some random corner of town;
"I don't have to worry about which one of your relatives is passing away today, or who's getting married tomorrow; no need to send a monthly living allowance to your aging parents; no need to sit on a train for half a day with you every year, hauling small bags on top of big suitcases to walk 10+ kilometers through the mountains, just to eat a New Year's meal with your parents... Yes, indeed, divorce really is so fantastic!"
Finishing that last sentence, my tears flowed like rivers down my cheeks. Yet he just looked at me distractedly. I've always worn a composed expression, but that little bit of alcohol sold out my inner emotions. As woman into her thirties, who could avoid caring about a marriage we've kept together for so many years?
I started to laugh: "Let's do it, the divorce. Let's see how long your smugness will last. You love her 100%, right? And she loves you back as much? After you get together, live together for a few years, let's see if your heart will still race when you see her. What she can give you now is exactly what I gave you ten years ago, so go ahead and mess around! After you've had enough of messing around you'll find that all you did was circle back to repeat the same path you and I already walked."
"Are you drunk?" He asked with a hint of concern.
"Have I never been innocent and naive? Have I never been young and beautiful? I cherished the brass ring, the book and the pen you gave me like they were gemstones and treasures. Working through the freezing cold to knit you a pair of gloves, I've loved you 100% too. But after entering marriage, a woman's role becomes complicated. In addition to love, a slew of responsibilities appears.
"The woman no longer can love a single person with 100% attention. She has to take 10% out to love her mother- and father-in-law. And another 10% to love her own parents. And another 10% to love her children. After 100% love is baptized by marriage, only 70% remains. So when someone else's 100% love attacks this woman's happiness, she finds herself defenseless...
"Holding your mistress's hand, hot blood pumps fast, straight to your head. Holding your lovers hand, you can taste every flavor on Earth through your emotions. But when you hold your wife's hand, it's the same as the left hand touching the right one. The left hand and the right hand are both your own hands. And since your wife is one of those hands, when you take a knife and sever that limb, won't you end up being the one to suffer?"
In the end, he adamantly refused to divorce me.
I asked, "What's the reason?"
He said, "Compared to being drunk, you're less logical when you're sober, and you're not as smart. You've slapped me awake. Truth be told, it wasn't easy to build this family. There won't be anyone who understands me more than you, nor will there be anyone who can take your place in the heart of our child. I busted my butt for God knows how long in exchange for this wonderful family. And I almost destroyed it all with my own hands. My wife, I am so sorry! All along, the person who loved me the most was always right next to me. All along, the one who couldn't live without the other was me."
Love, is not just making love; love, is knowing that the person on the pillow next to you is who you want to sleep next to, who you want to walk with for a lifetime!
Thank you, someone, for seducing my husband.
Thank you, someone, for letting my husband find out who he loves the most.
"Thank You for Seducing My Husband"
I was intently watching TV, when he suddenly said, "Let's divorce." He was dead serious, not just kidding with me. The first explanation that came to mind was: He probably risked too much on the stock market, or he developed cancer, and he's doesn't want to see me go down with him. I shook my head firmly, and a resolution to endure the ordeal with him began to develop.
His second sentence knocked me straight into hell: "I fell in love with someone else. I'm sorry."
"Since when?" I struggled to keep calm.
"It's been about half a year. I met her in my travels. She's a tour guide, very innocent, and plus she's friendly." Perhaps realizing that his compliments were going overboard, and he shut up, looking at me guiltily.
"How much do you love her?"
"100%"
I couldn't continue with my questions. Asking for more details will only hurt myself more. I might as well save some face and dignity for myself.
Remembering the days I spent with him, we were pretty happy together. But, since he already tossed the old in favor of the new, why should I fight so hard to hold on? I breathed a long, long sigh, "Then, let's just do everything according to your plans. For someone to whisk away a disaster like you from me, I'm infinitely grateful." He stared at me, shocked. He knows I'm not a woman with a heart that big.
"Actually, I'm pretty sick of looking at you too. You value me so little, so don't you expect to sit anywhere special in my heart."
He felt so guilty that he decided to leave all of our family's assets to me and our child.
Before separating, he asked me to go out for dinner together. After a few glasses of alcohol, he started having a lot more to say. He said, he hopes that he can get my blessing. He even eagerly began to talk up that girl, how she's so full of vitality. Being with her, he felt a fire was being ignited inside him. I recalled how I was once young and beautiful, vibrant, attracting him in the same way. There were only a few years between me and that girl, and yet one was labelled an "old story" and the other a "new flame".
"She's really naive. Even the smallest gesture will satisfy her. Like going shopping with her and winning a bar of soap from a raffle; taking her out for Beijing dumplings; giving her a $20 digital watch; bringing her a simple sandwich... she went crazy over every gift. With her, I'm relaxed. I can light up cigarettes until the whole room smelled like smoke. I can play mahjong through entire nights. I can go drinking with my friends......" He was so drunk in his own happiness, with eyes full of affection.
Yet I, like every boring housewife, calculated everything down to the penny. Asking him about every single expense. Even comparing wares among three stores just to buy a pair of socks. I don't allow him to smoke. I've banned his drinking. And I'm vehemently against his reckless gambling.
"Being with her, I feel my heart beats speeding up, filling me with energy to do anything and everything." The alcohol was obviously speaking for him.
I interrupted him:
"From now on, I'm no longer your boring housewife. I'm no longer your servant, working for free.
"I can save the time spent ironing your clothes and sorting your ties, using it to dress myself up;
I can save the money spent buying clothes for you, using it instead to buy myself something fashionable that I can actually wear out of the house;
I can stop stressing out about searching for every imaginable way to cook fish for you, because I don't need to take good care of your stomach. I'll cook when I want to cook. And when I don't, I can just go out for some fast food;
"I don't need to worry about you smoking your lungs to death, or drinking your liver away;
I won't wash your sheets after you puke your guts out on them;
I won't need to search high and low for you across every street, crying my eyes out, after you drink and pass out on some random corner of town;
"I don't have to worry about which one of your relatives is passing away today, or who's getting married tomorrow; no need to send a monthly living allowance to your aging parents; no need to sit on a train for half a day with you every year, hauling small bags on top of big suitcases to walk 10+ kilometers through the mountains, just to eat a New Year's meal with your parents... Yes, indeed, divorce really is so fantastic!"
Finishing that last sentence, my tears flowed like rivers down my cheeks. Yet he just looked at me distractedly. I've always worn a composed expression, but that little bit of alcohol sold out my inner emotions. As woman into her thirties, who could avoid caring about a marriage we've kept together for so many years?
I started to laugh: "Let's do it, the divorce. Let's see how long your smugness will last. You love her 100%, right? And she loves you back as much? After you get together, live together for a few years, let's see if your heart will still race when you see her. What she can give you now is exactly what I gave you ten years ago, so go ahead and mess around! After you've had enough of messing around you'll find that all you did was circle back to repeat the same path you and I already walked."
"Are you drunk?" He asked with a hint of concern.
"Have I never been innocent and naive? Have I never been young and beautiful? I cherished the brass ring, the book and the pen you gave me like they were gemstones and treasures. Working through the freezing cold to knit you a pair of gloves, I've loved you 100% too. But after entering marriage, a woman's role becomes complicated. In addition to love, a slew of responsibilities appears.
"The woman no longer can love a single person with 100% attention. She has to take 10% out to love her mother- and father-in-law. And another 10% to love her own parents. And another 10% to love her children. After 100% love is baptized by marriage, only 70% remains. So when someone else's 100% love attacks this woman's happiness, she finds herself defenseless...
"Holding your mistress's hand, hot blood pumps fast, straight to your head. Holding your lovers hand, you can taste every flavor on Earth through your emotions. But when you hold your wife's hand, it's the same as the left hand touching the right one. The left hand and the right hand are both your own hands. And since your wife is one of those hands, when you take a knife and sever that limb, won't you end up being the one to suffer?"
In the end, he adamantly refused to divorce me.
I asked, "What's the reason?"
He said, "Compared to being drunk, you're less logical when you're sober, and you're not as smart. You've slapped me awake. Truth be told, it wasn't easy to build this family. There won't be anyone who understands me more than you, nor will there be anyone who can take your place in the heart of our child. I busted my butt for God knows how long in exchange for this wonderful family. And I almost destroyed it all with my own hands. My wife, I am so sorry! All along, the person who loved me the most was always right next to me. All along, the one who couldn't live without the other was me."
Love, is not just making love; love, is knowing that the person on the pillow next to you is who you want to sleep next to, who you want to walk with for a lifetime!
Thank you, someone, for seducing my husband.
Thank you, someone, for letting my husband find out who he loves the most.